Why painting anything at 4 am is not a good idea...

So, we moved into our house about 3 weeks ago and I had decided that I was done with having blue painter's tape still up in every room of our house. I informed Adam of my feelings and so he worked ridiculously hard all week after work to paint and touch up and finish up all of the paint. But it was Thursday night and I had had enough. I just could not take one more day of not "living" in the house we moved into 3 weeks ago. Well, tenacious soul that I am (and let me be clear to say that I use the word tenacious so I don't have to admit to being stubborn or obstinate), I pranced myself up to the top of the ladder in our living room and dining room to paint the crown moulding and then have the glorious boon of ripping down the festering painter's tape once and for all. And with that, the stage was set.

At first I was just frustrated as all get out. It was me against the ceiling and I was going to win. Since I'm not a tall person and my arms aren't extraordinarily long, I could paint a full six inches on either side of where I stood on the top of the ladder before I had to get down, take the paint can and rollers down, move the tarp, move the ladder and relocate to exactly 12 inches from where I had been before. The progress was slow but I was on a mission and I was not to be deterred. As it went on, I sort of got this self satisfied grin on my face thinking "boy, will Adam think I'm a rock star when he sees what I've done." (Nevermind that he was in the other room at the time doing touch ups and painting trim because he wouldn't go to sleep while I was up working...can you believe what a sainted soul he is?) I'm cruising along and before I knew it, I was one side of the dining room wall away from finishing the first coat of that crown moulding. Then, at around 3:45 a stroke of genius hit me. I would go to the garage and get the other drop cloths and line each of the walls so that when I moved the ladder, rollers and paint, I wouldn't also have to move the tarps as I went around to do the second coat. We just put in new carpet so I had to be super careful to not drip (and from 12 feet up, that's hard to do!)

So, to the garage I went. I got the drop cloths, lined each of the walls and just had that last wall to line before I could get up to the top of the ladder, finish my task and do the final endzone dance at being done with the painting. The momentum was building. It was to be my triumph. So that last tarp had gotten caught a little bit under the corner of the ladder. I went over and gave it a tug and then I heard this sort of rattling sound. Instinctively, I turned and looked just in time to watch the GALLON of paint careening from the top of the ladder and thudding on the floor. It of course the can landed on the corner and paint literally spewed forth in the ONE CORNER THAT DID NOT HAVE A DROP CLOTH!!!! You guys, it literally was like a movie. It was in slow motion and as it fell, I just could not fathom that it was really happening. On my beautifully freshly painted walls, there was a WHITE GLOSSY SPLATTER that went half way up the wall, on the shutters, on the window sill and on the baseboards. Oh, and it doesn't stop there! No sir. There was paint literally pooling on my BRAND NEW CARPET! No exaggeration: I let out the most primal, blood curdling, horror movie-esque scream. It even startled me. Poor Adam was clear on the other side of the house and came SPRINTING in to find out what had happened.

Lucky for me, he didn't kill me that I had scared him for that and then, in the calmest, most unaffected voice, he said "it's OK. It'll be fine. We'll clean it up." Yeah, here's my brilliant method. I straight like sprayed water on it and was mopping it up with a dish towel. What I thought this was doing to help the situation, I'll never know but it was worth trying, right? I can not describe the extent of the meltdown I had at the sight of my ruined carpet. It was a cross between hysteria and a straight nervous breakdown. I was inconsolable and not even making complete sentences. IT WAS 4 am PEOPLE!

Well, I happen to have married someone who is incredibly calm in tragic situations and super smart. He devises this plan by which he will flood the carpet and then flush the water over to the tile which bordered the carpet. I watched as he did it and over and over he flushed the paint from the carpet and the water came out on the other side a very very milky white shade. So there I am, whimpering and crying, in the corner and mumbling something about being sorry that I wrecked our dining room. He never even got rattled for a second. It was amazing, as if he instinctively knew that latex based paint if not dry will not adhere to a surface if it is mixed with water. And then, even though it was me who had insisted that we stay up until this project was finished THAT NIGHT and after Adam had been up till like 2 am the day before, sent me to go get cleaned up and get some rest, and then he climbed the ladder and finished painting the crown moulding and took down the tape. When I got up in the morning, the painter's tape was down and the carpet had almost dried from the incident which we've now named "The Spill."

AND THEN, our good friend called Adam that afternoon to see what he was up to and he mentioned what had happened the night before. Our friend then says "hey, you know what? I have a carpet shampooer and I'm not too busy right now. Want me to come over?" So literally, on a Friday night, Doug just drops what he's doing and cruises on over to shampoo the Bad News Bears' carpet. I walk in the door that night to find that Adam has worked from home all day so he has the house in PERFECT condition and Doug was just wrapping up finishing cleaning the carpet. Adam had repainted the wall and you literally could not tell that I had made such a fiasco of the night (morning) before. So what if I hugged the carpet cleaner maching thingy...you would have too! Thank heavens for men who are patient and put up with their wives...and have really nice friends who come to pitch in and help. You're the greatest. And that, folks, is why nothing is EVER worth painting at 4 a.m. Consider yourselves warned.